Life Under a Cloud, or Better Living Through Chemistry

September 4, 2011

  About three weeks ago, things started to look pretty bad to me.  I felt like I was living under a big dark cloud that I couldn't shake.  Under that cloud, my life was nothing but laundry, dirty dishes and a crying baby and I was having to manage everything all on my own.  It came to a head about a week and a half ago when I had Sky on my own for most of the evening.  Things were fine until she wanted to be held and I couldn't pick her up because I was using the grill.  She collapsed in tears and wouldn't be consoled.  Dinner was ready a few minutes later and she refused to eat it.  I'd made something I was sure she'd like (chicken and something we call "crunchy rice") and she wouldn't even try  it.  Sky hadn't eaten what I'd served her for breakfast that day either and under the cloud, her not eating what I fed her made me feel like a failed mom.  There were dirty dishes still in the sink, clean dishes in the dishwasher and laundry in the washer and dryer with more to go in. 
  The cloud got bigger, darker and lower and I just started crying.  So of course, Sky started crying because next to D, she's the most empathetic person ever.  I couldn't take it.  So what did I do?  I called my Mommy.  It was 1:30 in the morning where she was but I needed to talk to someone and couldn't think of anyone else who would understand and wouldn't mind being woken up.  And she was great.  She listened.  And listened.  It was wonderful.  The cloud was still there but it moved back up off me a ways and I was able to calm Sky down and get through the rest of the evening.  When D came home, he was very sorry for being late and that I'd had such a terrible night and promised to try to help more around the house.
  The next day I went to the hospital to get my thyroid levels checked and low and behold, they were off.  I have hypothyroidism and when my medicine isn't adjusted right, I get depressed and overwhelmed easily.  I should have recognized the symptoms earlier.  I was able to get a prescription for a higher dosage of medicine and things are going better.  Sky still cries when I won't pick her up (she's going through a phase of wanting to be held all the time now...) but we get through it without me crying.  Sometimes she doesn't eat what I put in front of her but I don't take it personally.  D has been great at helping around the house more lately, and has been helping a lot with Sky in the mornings, which makes things go smoother for me.
  So, yay family! (and yay drugs!)

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