Just a Normal 5-Year-Old

January 6, 2015

 This big girl
 
has come so far from when she was this little girl


  At some point this summer, we crossed a major hurdle with Sky.  It's not about adoption any more.  It's not about attachment anymore.  We don't have explosions of big feelings any more, or at least no more than we would see from any other five-year-old.  We don't see the same considered defiance and when something is wrong she no longer tries to push away by hurting us emotionally or physically.  Sky is just a little girl now, a regular five-year-old, and it's wonderful.
  They say that hindsight is 20/20 and in hindsight, D and I should have done a lot of things differently with Sky.  We didn't know about all the books and resources that exist that would have helped us parent her better.  We had no idea that a lot of the behaviors we were working through at two and three may have stemmed from her hard beginning until  Fire started going through those same stages so differently.  
   In spite of the insecurity that marked her time before she came home to us and in spite of her first-time parents with (initially) no knowledge of how to help her, Sky has overcome so much.  She can identify her feelings and deal with them in an appropriate way.  She can tell the difference between a good choice and bad choice and understand the consequences that follow a bad choice.  She is empathetic to others pain and can be a good friend.  I know we're not done talking about her adoption but I'm hopeful that we've moved past the subconscious emotional fall out from it.

  Have you ever felt ill-equipped as a parent?  How did you overcome it?  Have you parented a child from a "hard place"?  What advice would you share with others going through something similar?
 

14 comments

  1. That first photo of Sky is so beautiful!
    It sounds like she is doing awesome--that is wonderful!

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    1. Isn't she gorgeous! The friend that took that picture managed to capture her personality perfectly.
      Sky is doing great these days and it's so nice to see the "real" her emerging.
      Thanks for stopping by!

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  2. Adorable family and adorable little girl! Good job, momma! And thank you for sharing this post on our linky this week! http://www.thenaturalhomeschool.com/2015/01/little-bird-told-wednesday-link-party-22.html

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    1. Thanks! It makes me so happy to see her doing so well.

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  3. Awww, she is lovely.

    I think all parents feel ill-equipped at one time or another. We learn and grow continually and our children catapult us into that growth whether we like it or not.

    Thank you for sharing and linking up to the #SHINEbloghop.

    Wishing you a lovely weekend.
    xoxo

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    1. I've heard that from other parents as well, and not just adoptive ones. It can be so hard to be the parent the child needs at that moment and there were so many times like I felt that I just didn't have the tools I needed. It's nice to feel like the ones I had were enough after all :)

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  4. (Visiting from the Tuesday Talk Link Up) My oldest is very strong willed, and I'm not. When I began to feel in over my head, I started reading up on parenting strong willed kids: books, articles, blogs, whatever I could find. It really helped us develop strategies for parenting him.

    http://akenyantexanfamily.blogspot.com/

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    1. Hi Rachel- I saw you on the Tuesday talk too. I would love to talk to you about Kenya sometime, and your life and family. I spent a month there when I was in college and loved it.
      And yes, books and websites absolutely help but when we were going through it all, we were so new that we didn't know if the hitting and throwing (or whatever we were working through) was just because of age or related to something else. I do wish I'd found more resources and tried more of their suggestions though.

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  5. I think first time parent goes through times where they look back and think, "Man I could have done that different." But through all of that, she knows she is loved and that's really what is most important. :)

    I saw you linked up on the last High Five for Friday post, so I just wanted to let you know it has a new home and if you'd like to link up again sometime we'd love to have you! And I will definitely be checking back often, we've been very interested in growing our family through adoption, so it's great to see it in action!

    Caitlin @ Coffee with Caitlin
    coffeewithcaitlin.com

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    1. I think "I wish I'd done that differently" so often now that we're going through some similar stages with our son. It really is comforting to hear that others feel the same!
      Thanks for letting me know about the link-up change.

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  6. It sounds like she is doing wonderfully now. :) Great job to your and your husband! What a beautiful family you have. I love seeing adoptive families out there that look just like ours. Thanks for linking up with us for Tuesday Talk! -Jess
    www.sweetlittleonesblog.com

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    1. Sky is doing great these days- not that she was ever doing terrible but the undercurrent of difficulty beneath her behavior is just gone and it's wonderful for all of us.
      Thanks for stopping by- I'll be following your blog as you grow your family this year!

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  7. So beautiful! What a wonderful story and amazing to see her growth. Thank you for linking with Tuesday Talk!

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    1. Thanks! Sky is an amazing girl and we are so lucky that we get to be her family :)

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