A Letter to Sky's Birth Family

January 27, 2012

   I've been writing to Sky's aunt once every two or three months since she came to us but the one that I wrote the other day was really, really hard, for so many reasons. Not only is it almost our one year anniversary with Sky (so one year since they had to give her up), we took her on a vacation to Thailand, celebrated her second birthday and Christmas. How do you write about all that in a letter?



   "Dear aunt who loved Sky with all her heart and didn't want to give her up,
Sky's been with us for almost a year now, is growing like a weed because we can afford to feed her better than you could. We took her on a vacation to Thailand that cost more than your husband makes in several years and gave her experience you never could. Oh, and then we celebrated her birthday- yes let me remind you that she's been away from you for almost a year and you didn't get to see her for any of it. Let's top all that off with a recap of Christmas in which Sky recieves more toys in one day than she needs and than you could give her. To make this letter extra special, why don't you look at the pictures I included that show how big she's getting, how much fun she had on the vacation and then some of her opening all those presents!
   By the way, she still misses you, calls you Mama when she sees your picture and needs lots of hugs after talking about you. But it's okay, because maybe we'll be in Majuro some time this year, so maybe you can see her."



   That's not the letter that I sent, I promise. I told her about the vacation, Sky's birthday and Christmas but I kept it pretty vague. I know if I was on the recieving end of my letter, regardless of how nice it was written, how much the writer had tried to spare me from pain, it would have sounded like the letter above. I did tell her that we looked at her picture the other day and that Sky called her "Mama". I would want to know that I was remembered and missed. I know that will be hard for her aunt to hear but I don't want her to think that we're encouraging Sky to forget, and I did tell her that I hoped we could get together when we're in Majuro this year. I can't even begin to understand how hard that would be for her, to see Sky after a year and then have to leave her again. I would understand if she didn't come but I wanted to give her time to think about it and get ready for it.
   We have no way of knowing if she's gotten any of my letters. I've asked the adoption ladies and our lawyer if they've seen Sky's aunt lately and no one has. Even though I know it must be awful to read them and see the pictures, I hope she is getting them and that we can meet with her when we're in Majuro this year. I really want Sky to know that she was loved for her whole life and that they miss her. I want her to know who she came from.

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