That's My Mother!

January 5, 2013

I wish I could say that the whole thing was caused by a few too many readings of "Are You My Mother" while we were at the cabin, but my gut says that there's more to it than that.  I was about to  load Sky into her carseat at the start of our drive back to Kansas when she suddenly pointed to a van up the street and said, "That's my mother!".
  Someone had just gotten into the van and was driving away but I was so thrown off by what she said, so clearly and sure of it, that I just stared at Sky.  I took her hand and said, "Honey, I'm your mother", but she just shook her head and said, "No, that's my mother."  The van drove around the corner and away and Sky started to walk after it.  I walked after her and said that I was her mother again and she shook her head.  The van was gone by the time Sky got to the corner but she pointed after it and said, "My mother went that way."
  By now, my brain was working again and I picked her up and said, "Was your Mommy A in that van?" (Mommy A is the aunt who cared for her before she was adopted) but she said, "No", so I asked if it was A (her birthmother's name, which we almost never use) and she said yes.  I said, "Sweetie, A isn't here.  If she's in America, she's in a place called Alabama." and then I moved the conversation back to seeing Mommy A in Majuro next week.
  That all happened about three days ago and D and I still reeling a little from it.  Sky knows, in the vague way that a 3-year-old knows things, that she had two mommies before me, her tummy mommy and Mommy A, but she's never expressed interest in her tummy mommy or said anything like she did that afternoon.  We talk quite a bit about Sky's story and show her pictures of her with Mommy A but as I said earlier, we don't talk that much about her tummy mommy.  We've never had any contact with her, we don't have any pictures of her, and we really only found out enough about her decision during Fire's adoption to be able to explain it to Sky (we do talk about Daddy V, her birth father, who did meet).
  I am surprised over and over how much Sky's first 14 months affect her.  Before her, I would have said that it was only a year, that she was still a baby, and it wouldn't have made any difference.  But it does, over and over and it comes out at the most unexpected times. 

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