Her Ending and My Beginning: An Open Adoption Memory
It is 1:33pm on August 18, 2014 and I am watching the clock. I'm trying not to count the minutes left, the minutes until she, my beautiful baby boy's first mother, can no longer change her mind. Mama D pays no attention to the clock. She never has. From the moment I met her a week ago, she has never seemed to question her decision. I'm sure that inside she is a whirl of emotions and that uncertainty is on of them, but she has never let on any of that to me.
Water stirs and begins to fuss in his bassinet and we both turn towards him. Because of her stitches, it's hard for Mama D to get out of bed so I go to him, change his diaper, and then carry the baby to her. She lowers her hospital gown and begins to nurse him. I've been bottle-feeding Water at night so that she can sleep but she wanted to breast feed him for these first few days. While she cuddles with our sweet boy, the last minute ticks past and the paperwork she signed before he was born become unrevocable. He is mine. Half of my heart breaks for Mama D while the other half soars in selfish joy.
Thirty minutes later, with custody paperwork in hand, we are discharged from the hospital. A nurse checks that Water is properly buckled into his car seat and Mama D's boyfriend picks up her bag. We form a slow procession to the elevators. At the hospital entrance, there are two cars waiting, one for me and Water and one for Mama D, and she begins to cry as the reality of this separation sets in. I cry for her and with her, give her a hug, and tell her to call anytime. I ask if she'd like to get together tomorrow and she says she'll let me know. We get into our cars and are driven off in different directions. It is both an ending and a beginning...
See where I'm linking up here