Reassessing
At my lowest point, I couldn't even remember what it felt like to be home. All I had was one terrible moment after another to fight through, without actually being able to fight, since I was stuck on a crowded airplane between two very upset children. I know that sounds dramatic but that's how it felt. Fire's fever was back and he was uncomfortable and over tired. Nothing would make him happy- no toys, books, or cuddling. I was eventually able to get some milk into him (he wouldn't take it from anything but his tippy cup from home) and then he calmed down enough to watch some Little Einstiens while I worked with Sky.
She had had an epic meltdown in the airport before we got on the plane and her tantrum now was an extension of it- nothing and everything was wrong at the same time. I was finally able to distract her from her broken Barbie (which she'd thrown and broken, which had set off the airport tantrum) and got her to eat a little of her dinner. After she got a few bites in, I put her movie back on and she was calmed down.
D reminded me this morning that I managed to do all that while being very upset myself, so I must not be that bad of a mom and that it was one moment on our trip. We'd had other breakdowns but this one was so bad that it started to block out all the great moments on our trip. D also reminded me that right in the middle of something is a terrible time to make any decisions, so we're going to sit on everything for two days and just concentrate on getting back into the swing of things here before we even talk about what might be next for us. He said that he's pretty calm about whatever we decide for the future: to stay here or move on, to grow our family or stop with two, that he knows we'll make it great, that whatever we decide will work out perfectly. I'm so lucky to have him.
Oh, and one last thing: To the lady sitting in front of Fire on that flight, I know you'll probably never read this but perhaps writing this here will help exorcise my frustration at you for me. The stewardess informed that my son's playing with the tray was knocking your seat a bit and bothering you, since you're pregnant. Where to start? First, congratulations on your pregnancy. However, if your condition is so delicate that a little rattling from a child playing with a tray table bothers you, perhaps you shouldn't be on an airplane in the first place? Also, welcome to being a parent! I'm sorry if the temper tantrums are bothering you but if you think your child will act any differently, you have a huge surprise coming to you. Why don't you get in touch with me in 2-4 years and then we can revisit this issue?
P.S. A friend did point out to me that pregnancy can be really uncomfortable especially as you get further along, so I just want to add that the woman I'm referring to above wasn't even far enough along to show through her clothes, and that I did apologize to her and her husband at the time.
She had had an epic meltdown in the airport before we got on the plane and her tantrum now was an extension of it- nothing and everything was wrong at the same time. I was finally able to distract her from her broken Barbie (which she'd thrown and broken, which had set off the airport tantrum) and got her to eat a little of her dinner. After she got a few bites in, I put her movie back on and she was calmed down.
D reminded me this morning that I managed to do all that while being very upset myself, so I must not be that bad of a mom and that it was one moment on our trip. We'd had other breakdowns but this one was so bad that it started to block out all the great moments on our trip. D also reminded me that right in the middle of something is a terrible time to make any decisions, so we're going to sit on everything for two days and just concentrate on getting back into the swing of things here before we even talk about what might be next for us. He said that he's pretty calm about whatever we decide for the future: to stay here or move on, to grow our family or stop with two, that he knows we'll make it great, that whatever we decide will work out perfectly. I'm so lucky to have him.
Oh, and one last thing: To the lady sitting in front of Fire on that flight, I know you'll probably never read this but perhaps writing this here will help exorcise my frustration at you for me. The stewardess informed that my son's playing with the tray was knocking your seat a bit and bothering you, since you're pregnant. Where to start? First, congratulations on your pregnancy. However, if your condition is so delicate that a little rattling from a child playing with a tray table bothers you, perhaps you shouldn't be on an airplane in the first place? Also, welcome to being a parent! I'm sorry if the temper tantrums are bothering you but if you think your child will act any differently, you have a huge surprise coming to you. Why don't you get in touch with me in 2-4 years and then we can revisit this issue?
P.S. A friend did point out to me that pregnancy can be really uncomfortable especially as you get further along, so I just want to add that the woman I'm referring to above wasn't even far enough along to show through her clothes, and that I did apologize to her and her husband at the time.
Amber, I have so been there! It sounds like you really did keep things together. I'm sure the woman in front of you will have her moments soon. I once worked with a woman who gave advice to all of us about her parenting practices. it wasn't until she had her third that she found out that her parenting wasn't better than ours, just that her first two kids were unusually easy. She got it with the third though, he was suspended from kindergarten three times in the first semester!
ReplyDeleteCarole
Hi Carole,
DeleteThanks for the support! I actually used to be terrible at criticising others parenting, until I had my own. Now, I just try to let it be, unless they seem to be fishing for advice. It can be so hard to parent sometimes when it seems like everyone is watching and judging you, and everyone has to do what works for them.